If It Was Up to Me

In Grace Changes Everything, I begin each chapter with a short quote. The quote tends to be relevant to the topic of the chapter and helps to set the stage for what is to come in the chapter. It is a habit I picked up from a teacher I have worked with, and while I'm not trying to copy someone else's style, I do like the effect it has.

One of the quotes is from a song by Ben Fuller. Ben has quite the testimony. At 16, he had been living a life of depravity and attempted to take his own life, even to the point of having the gun barrel in his mouth. But as he states, "God wouldn't let me pull the trigger." 

Ben moved to Nashville--as so many do--to break into the country music scene. He continued to struggle, and one day he met a couple who were from Vermont, where he had grown up. They invited him to church, and because of the Vermont connection, he accepted. 

Thankful for the Brighter Days

 

This Thanksgiving holiday has been very introspective for me. It's been six years since the darkest year of my life. And yet? Even though this year has brought its own burdens to carry and trials to deal with, as I look back, it has been a good year. 

"It's a good day!"

Nine years ago today...

From When You Can't See The Shepherd, Chapter 3, pp43-44

"October 28, 2013, was a cold, dark morning. Around 5 AM, we bundled Casey into the van, still in his pajamas, and made the trek to the Cardinal Bernardin Cancer Center at Loyola University in Maywood, IL. With great apprehension we sat with him, waiting for him to be taken back for a biopsy. Nervous laughter punctuated the tension as he began to humorously respond to the medicine they give before surgery. Finally, it was time to let him go.

While the biopsy only took about an hour, it seemed like days. Finally, we were taken to the consultation room to wait for the oncologist. The door opened, and my heart was in my throat. The oncologist walked in, still in his surgical scrubs and the mask still over his face. He removed the mask, and a big smile broke out on his face as he declared, “It’s a good day!” Overwhelmed with emotion, I wept with gratitude for God’s goodness.

The growth in his bone that had appeared to be a tumor turned out to be a benign fibrous dysplasia. Subsequent follow-ups over the years have showed no change, and as I write this, Casey is an amazing sixteen-year-old high school junior, terrorizing the roads with his learner’s permit.

To this day, I cannot even think about that moment in the consultation room, much less talk about it, without the tears beginning to flow again. Moments like these are why God told Israel to set up monuments and not remove them; their children could then look back, hear about, and see the faithfulness of God.

Trials hurt. The valley gets dark. Testing is never easy; but, if we look back, we will see that God has always brought us through and will continue to do so. If we don’t quit in the middle of the story, we too can come forth shining like gold."

 

In Ways I Never Imagined

 Many of us have gone through phases where we try to bargain with God. You know, the "God just get me out of this one thing this one time and I'll..." 

"Help me pass this test I didn't study for; don't let the teacher remember to call my parents..."

But what happens when we beg Him for something we perceive is good? When we fast and pray, crying out on our knees before Him to heal a broken heart, to fix a broken marriage, to repair a damaged relationship?

After all, it's not like we're begging Him for a new sports car or a lump of cash. No, we're pleading for something that by any stretch of the imagination is a good thing.

So what happens when the answer is no?

Weathering the Storm

And they came to him, and awoke him, saying, Master, master, we perish. Then he arose, and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water: and they ceased, and there was a calm.  And he said unto them, Where is your faith?...Luke 8:24‭-‬25

"Where is your faith?" 

It is a question that still rings out to us 2000 years later. Where is our faith? Is it in jobs, family, government, unemployment benefits?

While it is important for us to provide for our families and take care of them, where is our faith? Are we trusting that job to provide, or are we trusting that when we do what we're supposed and what we can, that God is going to fill in the details?

I know there are many unemployed right now. If you live in Illinois like I do, good luck getting your benefits. But is your faith in those benefits? 

This is a subject that is easy to write about, but harder to put into practice. One of the hardest things I've had to do is trust God that He will protect the hearts and minds of my kids.

Without going into detail, there's a family member actively trying to sway them away from living for the Lord. I have to remember that God loves them more than I do, and trust that He will work in the situation. 

So where are you struggling today?

Where is your faith?

Rejected by the One You Love

Today, this video popped up in my Facebook memories. Back in the summer of 2017, I had gone through the pain and heartache of an unwanted divorce. I was dealing with a lot of hurt and pain stemming from the rejection of one who I loved deeply.

The divorce was finalized in November of 2017. A few months later, as I was scrolling through Facebook, I came across this video. To this day, I don't even know why it showed up in my feed. It wasn't from anyone I was connected with or following. But it carried with it the message that I needed.

Take a couple minutes to watch the video, and then stick around for some closing thoughts.

Don't Go Fishing!

Ironically, I had intended to make this a follow-up to my last post. But, as I look at the calendar, I realize it is exactly one month since I last posted. This usually happens...life slows down during the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's holidays, I start writing again, and then life takes back off and suddenly I find myself neglecting any kind of personal writing.

But over the last few days I've found myself ruminating on the past. I recently had a major "anniversary milestone" with regards to the whole divorce process, and unfortunately I have to admit it took over my thoughts for a while.

Faithful

In my senior year of high school, I worked retail for a short time. It definitely was not one of my favorite jobs. I think everyone should have to work retail for a short time, just to see what customers are really like!

One of the things I hated was inventory. The store I worked at was a small lumber yard/hardware store that was not very up-to-date on inventory methods, and so inventory involved literally walking up and down the aisles and counting items.

This past Sunday, my pastor talked about the importance of taking inventory of the past year. I much prefer this kind of inventory, especially when the choice is between inventory or new year's resolutions. I think the only consistency in new year's resolutions is that no one keeps them.

From Broken to Beautiful

At one time or another, most if not all of us have experienced hitting rock bottom. Someone once said that when you hit rock bottom, it gives you a firm foundation to begin building back up on. But what happens when you hit bottom, and then the bottom falls out on you?