If It Was Up to Me

In Grace Changes Everything, I begin each chapter with a short quote. The quote tends to be relevant to the topic of the chapter and helps to set the stage for what is to come in the chapter. It is a habit I picked up from a teacher I have worked with, and while I'm not trying to copy someone else's style, I do like the effect it has.

One of the quotes is from a song by Ben Fuller. Ben has quite the testimony. At 16, he had been living a life of depravity and attempted to take his own life, even to the point of having the gun barrel in his mouth. But as he states, "God wouldn't let me pull the trigger." 

Ben moved to Nashville--as so many do--to break into the country music scene. He continued to struggle, and one day he met a couple who were from Vermont, where he had grown up. They invited him to church, and because of the Vermont connection, he accepted. 

Ben trusted Christ as his Savior and slowly his life began to change. I love how Ben now goes into prisons and shares his testimony with the men and women who need to hear it the most. 

Ben Fuller co-wrote a song called If It Was Up to Me and the line I used for my opening quote is this: 

If it was up to me I'd take the easy ride but I'd miss the grace that changed my life.

Lately I've been really chewing on this line because it hits so deeply. I would have never chose to be physically abused as a teenager. I would never have chosen to watch my mom suffer a long ten-year slide, beginning with a heart attack and culminating with kidney failure and death. I would have never chose to have a spouse be unfaithful and walk out of our marriage after 18 years. So much pain and heartache that I have walked through that I would not have chosen--if it was up to me.

But as that line states, I would have missed the grace that changed my life. It is hard to put into words the grace of God that I have experienced, especially in the last 9 years. The deeper walk with the Lord, the increased peace that passes all understanding. I would have missed it all.

Hard times are a part of life. But the mistake people often make is blaming God for the trials. Sometimes the heartache we experience is our own fault. Sometimes it is the result of other people's poor choices and we merely get hit with the ricochet of their problems. 

As believers in Christ, we can rest in knowing that there is nothing that can happen to us that has not passed through the loving hands of our Savior. 

The good news is this: there is no circumstance that can change who I am in Christ. As I continue on this journey of life, more and more I find that even though the past is painful, I can honestly say that I wouldn't change it. 

Because it has made me who I am today. And I'd never know how good God's plans could be...

If it was up to me.